Let’s start here: What does it really mean to be present? Not just sitting across from someone, nodding politely, but fully, deeply there—with them, for them.
In coaching, presence isn’t a nice-to-have. It’s the foundation. Research from the field of psychology and neuroscience consistently highlights the profound impact of attuned listening and presence on human connection and growth. One study from Harvard (Zaki & Craig, 2018) emphasizes that the quality of attention we give someone can fundamentally alter their experience of being seen and valued. When we’re present, we create a space for transformation—a space that feels safe, expansive, and full of possibility.
Presence activates what psychologists call attunement. According to Dr. Dan Siegel, attunement is the process by which we connect deeply with another person’s internal world. It’s not just about hearing the words they say; it’s about sensing the emotions, patterns, and unspoken truths behind those words.
Presence also impacts our client’s physiology. Research on co-regulation—the idea that our nervous systems respond to and mirror each other—shows that when we’re calm, centered, and present, our clients naturally feel more at ease (Porges, 2011). This isn’t magic; it’s biology. Your presence helps their nervous system relax, opening the door to clarity and deeper exploration.
Here’s the kicker: most people go through life without feeling truly heard. We live in a world of distractions, interruptions, and agendas. But when someone sits across from us and offers their full, undivided attention? That’s rare. And it’s powerful.
Presence in coaching does more than make clients feel good—it helps them uncover new insights. When you’re fully present, you pick up on the subtleties: the pauses, the hesitations, the shifts in tone. These are the breadcrumbs that lead to the bigger story. In fact, research in counseling psychology (Rogers, 1957) confirms that a coach’s ability to be empathetic and present is a key predictor of client outcomes.
Presence isn’t just a mindset; it’s a skill you can develop. Here’s how:
- Prepare your mind and body.
Before your session, pause. Studies on mindfulness (Kabat-Zinn, 2003) show that even a few moments of focused breathing can reduce stress and help you show up more fully. Consider asking yourself: What does my client need from me today? How can I be fully available to them?
- Practice active listening.
Research from Cornell University (Itzchakov et al., 2017) highlights the impact of listening without judgment. When clients sense you’re not just hearing them but truly absorbing their words, they feel more understood—and are more likely to share openly.
- Be comfortable with silence.
Neuroscience tells us that the brain processes information differently during moments of quiet reflection (Smallwood & Schooler, 2015). Let the pauses breathe. Silence isn’t an absence; it’s a presence in itself.
- Stay curious.
Curiosity isn’t just an attitude—it’s a proven strategy for deeper engagement. Research in organizational psychology (Reis et al., 2000) shows that asking open-ended, curiosity-driven questions fosters trust and exploration.
Here’s what’s incredible: Presence doesn’t stay in the coaching session. It ripples out. Clients who experience genuine presence often report increased self-awareness, improved relationships, and greater emotional resilience. It’s like a gift they carry forward, impacting not just their goals but how they show up in their own lives.
Presence isn’t about perfection. It’s not about having all the right answers or asking the most brilliant question. It’s about showing up. Fully. With curiosity, with care, and with a commitment to the moment. Because sometimes, the most profound thing you can offer as a coach isn’t a solution or a strategy. It’s you.
